Embracing the Beauty of Natural Hair
BIG Hair, Don’t Care! That’s the title of a charming children’s book by Crystal Swain-Bates—crafted to nurture self-esteem and confidence in little ones who might feel self-conscious about having hair that is different from their peers.
I wish I could tell you I discovered this book when my daughter was a toddler—read it to her during bedtime, telling her how unique and glorious she is.
But the truth?
I only stumbled across the book while researching for this very blog.
I struggled with finding the right words to help my little girl see the glory in her thick, curly, cascade of coils.
Permit me a moment to walk you down memory lane.
When Jason and I found out we were having a girl, my heart soared. The Lord had already whispered her name to me in a dream. So naturally, my dream girl needed dream-worthy lashes and luscious hair.
I laid hands on my belly and prayed, “God, I don’t want just ‘late-for-school’ hair—I want her hair to be thick, healthy, long—the kind that flows down her back like a royal veil.”
Heaven answered.
Now the older women in my country purport the folklore that pregnant moms who have severe heartburn & morning sickness will have very babies with a full head of hair.
Nine months of nausea later, baby Nadia arrived, with a crown of curls that made everyone smile. The first few months of haircare time were sweet bonding moments, while I massaged coconut oil in her soft curly hair.
As the months progressed, the texture of her hair changed as it grew longer, and she became more vocal. I started to experiment with various product lines trying to find a moisturizer/leave-in-conditioner that could work for the various hair patterns she possessed. (FUN FACT – one section of Nadia’s hair has very tight curls, another is straight, and there are sprinkles of blonde/bronze hair that aren’t curly; genetics 😏 )
By the time Nadia turned 4, wash days morphed from bonding moments to epic battles.
Imagine a 10-hour hair session with DEFCON 1 level screams of, “MUMMY! You’re hurting me!😭”
Yes. That was our reality.
I had to try something different for my princess. Occasionally I tried to enlist friends and seasoned braiders to assist, hoping maybe, just maybe, she would get some breakthrough.
“My prayers are with you my dear… whewwwwwww” – 7 yr hair
“Kesha gyul, I dunno how you does do it” – 6 yr hair
“How can someone so cute defeat me …now to go cry in a corner while contemplating this existential crisis…” – 4 yr hair
And though she’d leave every encounter twirling happily, looking like a walking masterpiece, I knew…I KNEW!
FLASH CUT TO Primary School
Me: “Sweet Pea how was your day at school.”
Nadia: “Good. Miss said my hair has to be neat and I can’t block the other children. I told her mummy comb my hair this morning.”
FREEZE FRAME
Internally I shouted <<WHAT! Are they mad-oh?!?>>
My actual response: “It’s okay princess. Not everyone understands your hair type. I will style it differently tomorrow but remember your hair is beautiful, it is a gift from God, even if your hair was different you would still be beautiful.”
Nadia: “Okay mummy but just pull it back tomorrow okay. Can I go play now?”
ENTER STAGE Dad
J: “Princess come let me show you something, you see this actress?”
He shows her pictures of actress with bug poofy hair and a worship leader with texture similar to hers with her hair open.
J: “When you wear your hair like that, it is beautiful because you are beautiful and it is a natural part of you.”
Nadia: “Okay Daddy.”
FADE OUT
Fast forward two(2) years.
J: “Nads, why don’t you wear your hair open today?”
Nadia: glancing in the mirror “Okay, this looks cute.”
Sometimes the reassuring words of a father make all the world of a difference. For many of us Big Hair Don’t Care is just a loud cry attempting to silence the years of negative speech that lead to insecurity.
We do care.
We care if our twist-outs prevent us from getting that job.
We care if our wig slips mid-sermon and reveals the cornrows underneath.
We care!
I’m thankful for the community of persons who still chip in occasionally to help with back-to-school hair or fancy up-do for special occasions. I’m grateful for those who send recommendations for new gadgets or products.
Most importantly, I am thankful that God trusted J & I with the unique gem that is Nadia and she has accepted and appreciates her hair.
“You don’t have to keep brushing mummy. My hair is poofy. It’s okay, I like it.”
Bloom in Solitude 🌸