Embracing the Beauty of Natural Hair
BIG Hair, Don’t Care! That’s the title of a charming children’s book by Crystal Swain-Bates—crafted to nurture self-esteem and confidence in little ones who might feel self-conscious about having hair that is different from their peers.
I wish I could tell you I discovered this book when my daughter was a toddler—read it to her during bedtime, telling her how unique and glorious she is.
But the truth?
I only stumbled across the book while researching for this very blog.
I struggled with finding the right words to help my little girl see the glory in her thick, curly, cascade of coils.
Permit me a moment to walk you down memory lane.
When Jason and I found out we were having a girl, my heart soared. The Lord had already whispered her name to me in a dream. So naturally, my dream girl needed dream-worthy lashes and luscious hair.
I laid hands on my belly and prayed, “God, I don’t want just ‘late-for-school’ hair—I want her hair to be thick, healthy, long—the kind that flows down her back like a royal veil.”
Heaven answered.
Now the older women in my country purport the folklore that pregnant moms who have severe heartburn & morning sickness will have very babies with a full head of hair.
Nine months of nausea later, baby Nadia arrived, with a crown of curls that made everyone smile. The first few months of haircare time were sweet bonding moments, while I massaged coconut oil in her soft curly hair.
As the months progressed, the texture of her hair changed as it grew longer, and she became more vocal. I started to experiment with various product lines trying to find a moisturizer/leave-in-conditioner that could work for the various hair patterns she possessed. (FUN FACT – one section of Nadia’s hair has very tight curls, another is straight, and there are sprinkles of blonde/bronze hair that aren’t curly; genetics 😏 )
By the time Nadia turned 4, wash days morphed from bonding moments to epic battles.
Imagine a 10-hour hair session with DEFCON 1 level screams of, “MUMMY! You’re hurting me!😭”
Yes. That was our reality.
I had to try something different for my princess. Occasionally I tried to enlist friends and seasoned braiders to assist, hoping maybe, just maybe, she would get some breakthrough.
“My prayers are with you my dear… whewwwwwww” – 7 yr hair
“Kesha gyul, I dunno how you does do it” – 6 yr hair
“How can someone so cute defeat me …now to go cry in a corner while contemplating this existential crisis…” – 4 yr hair
And though she’d leave every encounter twirling happily, looking like a walking masterpiece, I knew…I KNEW!
FLASH CUT TO Primary School
Me: “Sweet Pea how was your day at school.”
Nadia: “Good. Miss said my hair has to be neat and I can’t block the other children. I told her mummy comb my hair this morning.”
FREEZE FRAME
Internally I shouted <<WHAT! Are they mad-oh?!?>>
My actual response: “It’s okay princess. Not everyone understands your hair type. I will style it differently tomorrow but remember your hair is beautiful, it is a gift from God, even if your hair was different you would still be beautiful.”
Nadia: “Okay mummy but just pull it back tomorrow okay. Can I go play now?”
ENTER STAGE Dad
J: “Princess come let me show you something, you see this actress?”
He shows her pictures of actress with bug poofy hair and a worship leader with texture similar to hers with her hair open.
J: “When you wear your hair like that, it is beautiful because you are beautiful and it is a natural part of you.”
Nadia: “Okay Daddy.”
FADE OUT
Fast forward two(2) years.
J: “Nads, why don’t you wear your hair open today?”
Nadia: glancing in the mirror “Okay, this looks cute.”
Sometimes the reassuring words of a father make all the world of a difference. For many of us Big Hair Don’t Care is just a loud cry attempting to silence the years of negative speech that lead to insecurity.
We do care.
We care if our twist-outs prevent us from getting that job.
We care if our wig slips mid-sermon and reveals the cornrows underneath.
We care!
I’m thankful for the community of persons who still chip in occasionally to help with back-to-school hair or fancy up-do for special occasions. I’m grateful for those who send recommendations for new gadgets or products.
Most importantly, I am thankful that God trusted J & I with the unique gem that is Nadia and she has accepted and appreciates her hair.
“You don’t have to keep brushing mummy. My hair is poofy. It’s okay, I like it.”
Bloom in Solitude 🌸
Well done. Love it.
Oh the joy of parenthood 🥵. You are both doing a great job. I believe God chose you especially to nurture your children- His precious gems.
You know I had similar challenges with my daughter. I completely gave up and had someone come to comb her hair for school. Then Daddy decided to straighten out the hair. She was happy for some time but later she wanted her natural hair back. So, snip,snip, snip and all straitened coifs were gone setting the stage for what she has now.
All the best for the days ahead my dear.
This story is mine as a child and now as an adult with three girls with very thick hair. My mum had lots of messages from our teachers telling her that our hair needed to be done daily. Both my twin sister and I have hair that never stays neat but we just lived with it now both of us have our natural hair messy as usual, and our daughters don’t want to put any chemicals in their hair so I guess we rocked our hair well.
Thanks for sharing, that is so encouraging. Cheers to being the natural beauties God designed.